Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
