This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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