This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
