16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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