You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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