You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
