He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
