you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
He kissed a someone with a penis
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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