Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
