I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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