Screwed.edu
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
