There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
