Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
