All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
