I just threw up on my dentist
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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