Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
