She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
