Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
is wine microwaveable?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
