so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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