He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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