We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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