Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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