if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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