this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
You smell like stripper and shame
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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