my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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