i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
