Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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