i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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