All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
