i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
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