the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
