whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
