I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
