Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
