I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
