Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
