We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
