What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
