Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
