you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
