One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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