I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
