dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
