Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
