I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
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