mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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