I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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