He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
