his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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