I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
