Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
