haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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