Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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