I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
