you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
