Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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