I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
