Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize
