Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
