Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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