fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize