Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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