We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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